Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
