There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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