Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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