I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
