I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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