so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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