I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
