I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
