I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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