I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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