Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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