That's intense
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
