I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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