Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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