We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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