My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
