she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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