VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
