dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
