the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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