Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
