It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
