I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
