Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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