There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
