tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
