I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Where are you guys?
Drunk
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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