Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My dick has a subreddit
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I love you. Go after that dick
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
