If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
