my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
