Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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