If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
