I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
