yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
