My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
