when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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