4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize