he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
