I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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