operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
