Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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