just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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