Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
