NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
