Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
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Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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