We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
