It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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