You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
