the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Send help, water and tortillas.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
