She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You need Xanax blowdarts
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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