Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
