Porn is love you can see.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
