he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
