Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
