I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
