Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
