Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
