It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
