this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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