got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
they're like a gay fantastic four
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
