Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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