Your dad touched me again.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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