Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
What changed your mind?
Being sober
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
