we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
