He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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