So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
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I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
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Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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